Friday, 15 May 2015

How to Identify a Toxic Friendship



Who we choose to spend time with has a huge impact on our lifestyle. A good friend should be loyal, trustworthy, supportive and genuine, all the while keeping you stable and strong. If you've experienced - or are experiencing - a toxic friendship, you will know how much of a toll it can take on your happiness. 

Unfortunately, not everyone who enters our lives means well and sometimes relationships take a turn for the worst. Poisonous 'friends' can have a hugely negative effect on your well-being, sucking your energy and leaving you emotionally exhausted. If you feel an acquaintance falls under any of the points listed below, then perhaps it's time to reconsider your relationship with them... 

They're never happy for you
Although this friend is quick to gloat about their new job/luxury holiday/perfect boyfriend, when something good comes your way they can't help but try and bring you down about it. While it's natural for us all to feel a little envious sometimes, a true friend will be genuinely happy for your successes and will be there to celebrate them with you.

They put you down
Backhanded compliments are one of the most obvious traits of a toxic friend (think the jellyfish scene in Bridget Jones). Anyone who feels the need to patronise you and make you feel rubbish about yourself - regardless of whether or not it's disguised as praise - is definitely not worth your time or efforts.

You don't trust them
Trust is the foundation of any good relationship. If you feel like you have to be cautious about what you tell your friend because you know she'll gossip, this should signal a red flag.

They're two-faced 
Similar to the point above - if your friend talks badly about other people when they're not around, then it's likely she can't be trusted. While we're all human and it's perfectly normal to have a rant sometimes, if this girl is constantly bitching or making snide remarks, chances are she's talking about you behind your back, too.

They're never there when you need them
When they're going through a tough time your phone doesn't stop going off. However, when you feel like you need a shoulder to cry on, they don't respond to your texts or calls. Why waste time on someone who isn't around when you need them most?

She tries it on with your ex
Ah, the 'Rules of Feminism' that Mean Girls taught us. Of course, if you have no objections to your friend being involved with your old boyfriend and she's spoken to you about it first, then by all means, be happy for her. If not, then this one's a bit of a no-brainer really.

You're the only one who makes any effort
If it's always you calling and arranging to meet up, then maybe you should rethink whether or not you ought to bother. Friendships are made up of a mutual effort - not just one person doing all the running.

You feel down after spending time with them
A good friend should bring out the best in you and keep your spirits high. If you feel low whenever you see her - whether it's because she puts you down or you simply don't enjoy her company - then it's probably time to move on.

I hope you found this post helpful. Remember that surrounding yourself with people who build you up and nourish you is so much better than wasting time on someone who is emotionally draining. While removing a friend from your life can be daunting, you are completely within your right to cut ties with someone who is making you feel miserable. You'll feel so much better for it x

8 comments:

  1. I do feel like toxic friendships can be really dangerous, especially when all they do is make you feel unloved or unworthy. I've been thinking about this topic a lot, thank you for this amazing post. :) Reading it was very helpful. Xoxo

    THOUGHTS IN TIFFANY BLUE

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    1. I completely agree! Glad you found the post helpful x

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  2. I've had so many toxic friendships, 3 years ago i gave up, i havent had any friends since.

    emyii90.blogspot.co.uk

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  3. It's definitely so important to think about your friendships - a lot of the time they can become toxic without you even really noticing! This is definitely a helpful post! xx

    Jasmin Charlotte

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    1. Definitely, sometimes it can take forever to realise a certain friendship isn't good for you.
      I'm glad you found it helpful x

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  4. Hmm unfortunately needed reminding of this! Good post and definitely agree with all of your points! I think everyone has a 'jellyfish friend'...!
    x

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  5. I always find it hard to find true friendships, but when you find them - they are the best thing in the world!

    Kirsty - Think Like Kirst x

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