Monday, 1 December 2014

Coping with a Breakup


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The majority of people will go through a breakup at some point in their lives. Every couple is different, but at the end of a relationship - regardless of the situation - we will usually be left feeling sensitive, distressed and exhausted. I've had a few break ups in my time, and while some were worse than others, they all made me feel incredibly low to the point where I was at a bit of a loss of what to do with myself and not even tea could make me feel better (yes, really). I thought I would write a post on how to cope during a painful breakup - these pointers are all things I made myself do when I was upset and they definitely made me feel more hopeful.

Remember why you broke up. Whether or not it was your decision, at the end of a relationship it is normal to question your motives and wonder what you could have done differently. For example, you may be thinking 'What if he was perfect for me and I was just being picky?' or 'If I had done this instead of this, he probably wouldn't have ended things with me.' When we love someone, we are often blind to their flaws, and this doesn't bode well during a breakup. You may be focusing on your ex's good qualities rather than what caused you to be unhappy which makes the grieving process even harder. Whether you were treated badly or you simply grew apart, chances are once you're over the initial shock you will start to realise that the breakup was probably for the best. 

Cut all ties. I find one of the best things to do when trying to get over someone is to avoid all contact with them, at least until you're both in a better place. Of course, this is easier said than done, especially if you work/go to Uni with your ex or have the same group of friends. However, try your best not to initiate a conversation (unless you absolutely have to for practical reasons). Get rid of his number, unfollow him on Twitter and delete him on Facebook (or at least block his posts from your news feed). Although it's tempting, calling him after a drunken night out or searching social media for evidence that he might have moved on isn't going to achieve anything and will probably just make you feel worse. 

Remember it's okay to feel upset. No one wants to feel sad, but after the breakdown of a relationship you will need time to grieve. And that's fine. Chances are you'll feel a bit better after some time alone and a good cry.

Focus on the positives. One thing my mom always used to say to me when I'd had a particularly nasty breakup was that my ex wasn't put on this earth to make me happy. And that's completely true. As stale as this saying is, there isn't a hole in your life that needs to be filled by this particular person - you were happy before him, and you can be happy after him. Focus on everything else good in your life, such as your health, hobbies, friends and family. 

Keep your mind busy. Although it's healthy to spend some time alone, it's also good to try and keep your mind occupied. Whenever you feel tempted to text your ex, call your best friend instead and arrange to go for a walk or a coffee. Make plans so you have other things to think about and look forward to.

Know that things will improve. Lastly, the most important thing I would suggest to do is to remember that it's not the end of the world. Although it may seem like you're never going to feel better, I can say from experience that you will move on. I can look at my past relationships now and not regret anything, knowing that I learnt something from each one and that I was right to walk away when I did. Whether you're with someone for five months or five years, it never gets easier to let go of the one you love, but from each experience you do become that little bit wiser and of course, stronger. Although it seems like all you want to do for now is scoff your weight in Ben & Jerry's/curl up in a ball/move to Peru, you will see a light at the end of the tunnel and will return to your usual, fabulous self in no time.

I'm no relationship expert and this post was probably full of cliches, but I do hope some of what I said was helpful or at least made an interesting read :) If you'd like to see more personal posts like this around here please let me know as I really enjoy writing them.

What are your tips for surviving a break up? x

3 comments:

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  2. I just went through a breakup, so this was really helpful. It's definitely tough to get over x

    vvnightingale.blogspot.co.uk

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  3. Break ups are hard and I think it is so important to let yourself grieve. You're 100% right, it is ok to feel upset. Lovely advice, I hope it helps someone. x

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